In my previous post I said I wanted to know unconditional love… Not from others… from me towards others… As much as it is a noble objective, it occurred to me that I needed a roadmap, something to help me along the way every time I am derailing from that aim.
I defined unconditional love as the most powerful expression of love which comes with ultimate detachment. As such, unconditional love is intimately connected to the ability to let go.
Letting go of our fears, our insecurities, our expectations, our judgements… But how?
1- Slow down…
I don’t know for you but when I am running from task to task (something thankfully I don’t do much since I left the corporate world) I struggle in letting go of anything. When your mind is in overdrive and your body is hyperactive things affect you in a disproportionate way. You can’t let go, you hold on to.
Slowing down starts from the morning. Taking your time even if it is for 15 minutes during your breakfast… I can hear the parents out there answering: ‘yeah right’… I am not saying it is easy, I am saying it is beneficial. Shower quietly. Don’t let your mind run wild with all the thoughts of the day. You will have all the time to do that later. Dress slowly. Walk slowly or slower. This is something I have trained myself to do years ago when I realised how much I tended to pound in the office going from one place to the other. It occurred to me that slowing my pace didn’t make me miss anything time wise, what is 10 or 20 seconds more to arrive at your desk? But it gives back a lot.
Slowing down doesn’t make you miss anything and in turn it does wonder to your mind and the way you approach your day and the challenges you are facing.
2- Protect yourself
You cannot let go when you are in situations that make you uncomfortable or anxious.
Personally I hate crowded spaces. I cannot handle hypermarkets, they make me horribly anxious. I don’t like the nervous energy that comes with sitting in traffic.
Now, if it is easy to avoid hypermarkets and crowded places it might be more difficult to avoid traffic. But you can create a bubble around you in those moments. When you’re in your car, put music you enjoy or a program that makes you laugh. Anything that takes your mind of something you do not like.
The key here is to understand what you perceive as aggressive and avoid it or at least create a protection around you so that you won’t be affected.
Before letting go of anything you need to acknowledge your discomfort. You are a human being with emotions. You are entitled to have things that trigger negative energy.
Recently in my yoga class, that I adore by the way, a completely obnoxious woman started attending. Her and her stuff take the place of three… and she has no clue… She leaves her phone on and while you are supposedly meditating you start hearing the bing of texts… and she pretends it is not hers… Needless to say that makes me mad… It makes me mad because contrarily to my teacher who completely embraces the notion of live and let live I don’t. I find it super disrespectful of others. That zero awareness of the fact that you are not alone in this world pushes my wrong buttons in an incredibly powerful way. It makes me aggressive and I don’t like the image of me being aggressive. But you know what? I am entitled to my anger. She is messing with my peace!
So I allow myself to feel that emotion but… as quickly as possible. It is annoying. Fine. I move on. Full stop.
Accept your fears and insecurities. I unfortunately learnt fear from a very young age. It has plagued my behaviour as an adult, panicking at the unknown, dreading failure and not being able to do something. I grew up widely insecure of the love of others and very dependant of the way others show their love for me.
I am trying to unlearn all this. Accept that I might be scared but find ways to do things anyway. It usually includes a lot of preparation and visualisation. Projecting myself doing it, repeatedly, helps me do it in the real world.
When it comes to insecurities of other’s love, well I am learning to accept that a) if they do not love me it is not the end of the world… tough one I admit… b) they actually might love me but differently than how I love them. They might show it in other ways, smaller ways, with different words, different timings. And that is ok. It is hard because I am intense. When I love I do so intensely with my whole being. I am there, whatever you need and subconsciously I think that others love like this too. But they don’t.
I will add something here… Something I realised after writing about unconditional love… The acceptance of others’ differences does not mean however letting them walk all over you and disrespect you or abuse you. If that happens you need to stand your ground but calmly with no aggression. Tough act knowing that if you perceive a behaviour as being aggressive to you it is difficult not to come back with aggression. Talk, explain why that particular behaviour causes you pain. If they understand and apologise, good, if they don’t walk away.
Forgive yourself for being critical and judgemental.
That woman at yoga… That insta-bimbo that pouts and selfies constantly…my natural reaction is to look at them with eyes filled of judgement and criticism. I forgive myself for nurturing negative thoughts towards them because really I don’t like those attitudes and I am trying now to look at them from a different place: a place of love. What can I find in them that I actually like.. even a little? The woman at yoga: she is obnoxious and loud, but she gets involved with others. That insta-bimbo well… her clothes are nice…?
Forgive others for being critical and judgemental.
They are reacting with their own filters and perceptions. Just like me with those women. They don’t like how you dress, how you talk and who you are. If you can make them change their views, fine, if not, forgive them and walk away. You do not need people around you that judge you.
Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak, it shows how strong you actually are.
Not to the internet… To the Powers that Be… To the incredible dynamic energy that is here, around you, waiting for you to talk back…
When you badly want that contract and keep on checking your mail 10,000 times a day, knowing that it will not bring you the answer sooner… When you are dying for that man or that woman to answer you back, in the way you would like them to answer back to you… stop obsessing, stop checking, stop harassing and connect. I don’t know for you but for me when I am waiting for something I find it difficult to stay idle, passive so I direct my energy to its most creative expression because if those people are not listening to me I know the universe is.
Isolate yourself in meditation. Take a bath (water is a powerful conduit for higher energies). Write. Send the energy you would like to receive. Visualise what you want, write what you wish but there is a trick. Formulate the emotions you are looking for, formulate the aim you are looking for, formulate the ‘what’ but do not include any specifics: ‘who’, ‘how’, ‘when’.
You are not in control of how or when or through whom things will manifest in your life. You are in control of what you want for yourself: love, a new job, time, peace.
Allow the universe to answer you back in its own way and time. I can assure you every time I let go of precise expectations I only received good news and surprises in a way I could have never fathomed. And even if I have experienced it first hand it is always difficult to let go of precise expectations and yet it is the key.
Enjoy every moment. Every day. Enjoy what you have so far and be sure there is only more to come. Really. Life is magical in a way our modern society doesn’t let us believe it is. Allow it to surprise you.
Yep we go back to that… Love more. Love more often. Love what others don’t love. Love yourself.
It needed to be 8 steps because 8 is a magical number. It is the number of infinity in mathematics. It is the symbol of the lake of love in philosophy. It is said to hold immense magical property for a lot of ancient civilisations. And… it is my master number… So it had to be 8.